I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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