ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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