Is it because I queefed?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
