Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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