I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
