hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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