My first STD was from a foam party
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize