we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You're like the curious george of whores
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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