my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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