Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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