dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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