I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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