I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
These tits shall not be calmed
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