tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize