If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
