Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize