I wish I could teleport
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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