He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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