I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
