I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
