; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
