don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
