Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
