she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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