so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
