I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
