Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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