I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
