The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
