I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
