And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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