im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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