Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
