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Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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