The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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