I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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