TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
