his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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