I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
