Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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