Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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