I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
