Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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