Heybabeimwearingurpanties
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
