You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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