Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
