Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You need a sexual gate keeper
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
