I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
