let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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