god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
