sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
