i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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