Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize