How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
