Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
