The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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