i think my tv is drunk
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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