I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
