You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Soap is not a condiment
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
