conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
