Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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