I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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