I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
