You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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