What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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