Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
